I've wanted to write about this for a while but even writing about it scares me. Growing up scares me. I don't take life too seriously and now I've gotten to the point where not knowing what I want to do for a living is stressing me out. I have one year left in school. Then what? Having a "fuck it be grand" attitude doesn't seem to go down well.
I have commitment issues. Anyone who I've ever been even remotely romantically involved with never knew that. Well everyone knows now. Being tied down to people or jobs or whatever freaks me out. Having to be committed to raising children..don't even get me started on that. I would like to go to college, don't get me wrong, but I change my mind all the time. I don't have the brain power for more than one course or class.
My plans for after school (for now) is to study media or film making or screenplay writing..any of that fancy shit. I'd also like to be a comedienne. That's not very realistic. I have plans to live with a friend. That scares me. I think I'm too much of a free spirit to be bugged down by bills and responsibilities. I can't work the washing machine, and I don't think asking my mom to move in is in the room mate agreement. I don't like working when it's not something I like. I don't like customers. I worked for a week in an electrical shop and it was fricking awesome. I sold a toaster. I'm not sure that's what I'd like to do for the rest of my life though.
I suppose life in general scares me.