Thursday, 22 August 2013

Existential Crisis

Hello internet. I am a 17 year old girl and I have hit that stage in my life where people say, "Oh you're doing your Leaving Cert this year? What do you plan on doing after school?" Normally, I would brush this off and say I want to do psychology and become some sort of counsellor. But today my out look on life completely changed. Do you want to know what caused it? I received my school journal.

This year in our school journal, they have a page that tells you what points you will get for each grade in the Leaving Certificate exams. So, I decided to try and estimate how many points I could get, based on my average grades at the moment. I'm not going to lie, they were higher than I expected. But before you start saying "but Zoe, you still have another year left, the Leaving Cert will be different from the exams you're doing now", I am already aware of this. Honestly, I don't think I will get my estimated points. The point is, after I got my estimate, I went online to look for college courses I could do. And finally we get to the point of this blog; I have no idea what I want to do with my life.

I believe what I am going through, is known as, an existential crisis. Not only do I not know what I want to do with my life, I am starting to believe that I may not have a purpose and there may not be a reason for my existance. I have spent the past few days, worrying about completely stupid things and trying to decide what path I would like to take in life. Instead of being mature and thinking extremely hard about it, I sat in a corner for a few hours and tried to tell myself that I have nothing to worry about.

I am a big believer in doing what makes you happy. However, I don't think I can do what makes me happy because, I don't think playing games, drawing fan art and watching animes, counts as a profession. On a serious note, the only thing that I can imagine doing for a job that would make me happy is acting. I love anything got to do with writing or filming or directing (telling people what to do). Ever since I was a kid, I always wanted to work in the film industry. Here comes the problem with that. I am incredibly shy, when it comes to preforming in front of people. I desperately wanted to try out for my school play this year but, I was too shy to audition. It was, of course, a fabulous production. I just wish that I would have been confident enough, to be a part of it.

I will leave you with something to think about. Why do something that makes you unhappy? Who cares what anyone else thinks? No one can live your life except you. Do what makes YOU happy. You only get one life, you may as well live it how you want. #YOLO bitches. (Can't believe I just said that)

~Zoe

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