Tuesday, 14 October 2014

Our First Video?

This isn't really a blog post, it's just a quick heads up that I've uploaded my first video. I'm really sorry to the person who very kindly asked me to do this. Sorry that it took so long, I was just feeling more confident today. The video is just me talking about some of the beauty products I own. I originally filmed 3 videos for this mini series but, I'm having A LOT of editing issues so, I'm not sure when the other 2 will be coming out, of if I'll be able to upload them at all :/ I hope you enjoy this video anyway, despite it being longer than anticipated :P

First part; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x9TfzFVPNK0&list=UU8POT4ihu61usAh__qlPQ6A

Second part;https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fSTz5JUEBkI



Wednesday, 8 October 2014

50 Fun Questions! (Part One)

I'm kinda lazy and tired right now but, I like doing these little question things soooo..I'm going to be really lazy and do half of the "50 fun questions". That's really it.

1. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? 
I can't sleep if wardrobes or presses or drawers or whatever are open. It's just one of those things I have where I won't be able to sleep because I'll keep staring at it, wondering, "What is going to come out of there and kill me?"
2. Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel? 
I don't. I know they're there for me to use and take at my own leisure but, I feel guilty. Plus I'm allergic to all the scented soaps hotels have.
3. Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out? 
Tucked in? I don't use those sheets that you put under the duvet because, I find them too claustrophobic, so I'm gonna presume you're talking about the one over the mattress. Who would sleep with that tucked out?
4. Have you ever stolen a street sign before? 
No. I know someone who got off a bus to take a leak and came back with a sign and tried to bring it on the bus. It wasn't me though, I'm not exciting like that.
5. Do you like to use post-it notes? 
I like to write on them and stick them in weird places. Just to annoy people.
6. Do you cut out coupons but then never use them? 
I'm not really a coupon kinda girl. I rarely use them and I'm normally too lazy to cut them out anyway.
7. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees? 
Maybe the bees because I could hit them? And they probably wouldn't kill me?
8. Do you have freckles? 
Yes I do. It doesn't matter if it's summer or winter, I always have them. Curse this ginger gene.
9. Do you always smile for pictures? 
I try but, I'm terribly unphotogenic.
10. What is your biggest pet peeve? 
When people crack their knuckles. Why? Why do you do that? Seriously? I had to sit around people in study for 2 years who would just do that constantly. Ugh.
11. Do you ever count your steps when you walk? 
12. Have you ever peed in the woods? 
Maybe? I think it was one of those emergency situations when you're 3 years old and you're like, "mom I need to pee", and everyone panics.
13. What about pooped in the woods? 
14. Do you ever dance even if there's no music playing? 
I do a ballet routine around my kitchen out of boredom sometimes, if that counts!
15. Do you chew your pens and pencils? 
Not really. I'll put them in my mouth but, I won't really bite on them because, it kinda freaks me out.
16. How many people have you slept with this week? 
Pffff like..none.
17. What size is your bed? 
18. What is your Song of the week? 
Lady Gaga- G.U.Y (Nightcore)
19. Is it okay for guys to wear pink? 
Yeah. Personally, I like pink on a guy. As long as it's not illuminous pink. That's not ok for anyone to wear..
20. Do you still watch cartoons? 
Sometimes, but very rarely. 
21. Whats your favorite movie? 
500 Days of Summer. People don't seem to get the message it gives and think it's just a chick flick. You have to really watch it.
22. Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some? 
I'd probably bury it secretly in a friends house and not tell them.
23. What do you drink with dinner? 
Water because, I'm just that healthy.
24. What do you dip a chicken nugget in? 
BBQ sauce. What else?
25. What is your favorite food? 
Any sort of curry. It could be Chinese, Indian, Thai..I don't give a damn. I want it.

I wouldn't really describe these questions as "fun", if I'm honest.


Monday, 6 October 2014

A Letter to My Future Child

Dear, Future Son/Daughter,

This may seem a little strange but, hey there, I'm your mom (at 18). I feel like there are some things we should discuss, so we don't get off on the wrong foot. Before we get to that though, tell me, how are you? I hope you had a safe, "trip". I've seen a few births in my time and trust me, they don't look fun for anyone. I hope that you were comfortable and that you weren't a kicker. That kicking thing freaks me the fuck out.

So there are a few things I would like to talk to you about. I suppose, I would like to apologise for the shitty genes. Sorry for the possible anemia, bad eyesight and ginger hair. I hope you have fun being freckly and unable to tan like me. You might avoid the ginger gene altogether. Not that it would make any difference to me but, I've heard the stories. Unfortunately, if your dad is ginger you'll probably be stuck with it. I'll try avoid that, for you I guess. Also, I'll try avoid men with glasses, just in case. I'm not making any promises, we're talking about 2 of my major weaknesses here.

I'll try and be a good mom. I'm not very good at cooking or homework but, I'll try. I hope your favorite food is toast. I don't want to be one of those mothers that is constantly on your back. Of course, I'll encourage you to do well as best as I can but, I don't want you to be too sheltered. I think an important part of growing up is learning from your mistakes. What good will it be for you if I wrap you in bubble wrap for 18 years and then expect you to make important life decisions? If you don't want to go to college or university, fine. I won't force you.

The only thing I can promise you, is that I'll do my best to always stick by you. I want you to have the understanding and open-mindedness, that I didn't really have from my parents. If you decide you want to do drag, fine. If you're gay or lesbian, even better. But, I will warn you of this, and I will warn you only once. If I even hear of you bullying someone, THEN we will have a problem. I hope that you get to grow up in a generation where it's ok to be yourself and not be judged by the boring "normals".

I'll try and look forward to you and the mess you are going to make of my house.

So, goodbye for now my future son, (Elliot, Alistair or Ryan), or my future daughter, (Juliet, Hannah or Zoe).

Lot's of love,

Mom x

Saturday, 4 October 2014

A New Life? (Warning:Touchy Subject)

This is hard to write because, it's something I avoid talking about if I can. This is also something I'd like to share with the people who've been supporting me for the past month or more, so this post will only be shared on Twitter because that is where the sweetest people are.

A while back, I started talking to someone who messaged me to say they enjoyed reading my stuff (I don't want to mention names, it wouldn't be fair (also I have permission to use this"story")). After a while we started chatting about other things and this person revealed that they had previously suffered from depression. When they had finished telling me their "story", they asked me about mine. Only one person, out of everyone I know, has let me openly and freely tell them my "story", so I didn't know how to react at first. Eventually, I let my guard down and told them everything. Afterwards, they simply asked me, "are you ok now?" and I said "no".

After struggling on and off with depression for 5 years, it's extremely hard for me to make, what I call a choice. I'm choosing to force myself out of this. Some people say its "brave", others say "it can't be done". I've realised what a pain in the ass I've been for my family and friends, the past 5 years, and it isn't right or fair. I want to be around to see my friends become, doctors, game developers, YouTube superstars, whatever they want. I want to be a decent role model for my nephew. I want to start putting more effort into this and make something special for you guys because, you're all so lovely to me. I want to see where I end up. And I'm going to do it by whatever means possible. I'm going to stop lying to myself and everyone else and saying things are ok when it's not. I think I can do it.

I appreciate all the love and support that I get, even though it's only from a few. I think it's better that way. Also, I'd like to ask you to not send me any soppy messages after reading this. This isn't me trying to be "brave", it's just easier to tell everyone, who cares, at once, rather than having to repeat myself over and over to everyone individually.

I suppose you could say, I'm trying to find a new path in life? Hopefully, a brighter one.

Yours always,


Wednesday, 1 October 2014

My Current Choices

I would just like to point out that if you are going to take offence to what I'm about to say, you may as well stop reading now. I'm not going to proof read this and I'm not going to hold myself responsible for "upsetting" anybody.

I'm going to make this short and sweet and hope it gets to the people it's aimed at. I honestly don't feel like I should have to write this but, some people seem to be too arrogant and actually very rude about some of the choices I have made in MY life, lately. People, including, family, friends, random acquaintances, and a couple of my small twitter following.

I hate to point it out but, what I do in life isn't really anyone's business but my own. For those of you who don't know, I have "dropped out" of college. A lot of people aren't happy about this and I don't know why. I had my valid reasons for leaving and I didn't leave blind. I knew what I was doing and I am happy with my choice.

My former plans for the next few years were to study software design for 4 years, get a degree in games development then move on to training to be a counsellor. The course I was doing was basically a method of killing time until I could do what I really wanted, and my parents wanted me to go to college when I left school. I was never going to work as a software or games developer anyway, so what's the big deal? Originally, I thought I had to wait until I was 23 to study counselling psychology but, turns out there is a course I can do next year without being 23. So I suppose you could say I'm taking a gap year.I'm not planning on sitting on my arse for the year. I have plans for this year and I have a source of income.

What I'm trying to say is, I've had to listen to a lot of shit from everyone for the past 2 weeks. Even more so since I've actually left. I apologise if my life choices offend you but just remember that I've stuck by a lot of you people through thick and thin, whether I know you personally or through Twitter. I don't need anyone to tell me that I've made the wrong choice, or you're disappointed or that I should go back to school or I'm a failure and I've given up. College is an expensive place for someone like me, and to be honest, I didn't feel like paying lots of money for something I didn't like. The thoughts of certain classes made me feel physically sick. Who would pay for that?

I appreciate that some of you only say what you say because, you care but it upsets me that people are being so harsh and can not just support the choices I have made. A lot of people don't go to college at all and live extremely happy lives. Going to college or university doesn't make you a better person than anyone else. For those of you who think you have the right to get involved in my business, I'm going back to college next year since it's so "important". And for those of you who don't want a college "drop out" as a friend, then I will happily open the door for you.

I think I've done enough ranting. If anyone is mad..fine. To the few of my friends, both online and in real life, and my parents, I would like to thank you for your constant support, love and help through this. In fairness, I could have done a lot worse.