Dear, Future Son/Daughter,
This may seem a little strange but, hey there, I'm your mom (at 18). I feel like there are some things we should discuss, so we don't get off on the wrong foot. Before we get to that though, tell me, how are you? I hope you had a safe, "trip". I've seen a few births in my time and trust me, they don't look fun for anyone. I hope that you were comfortable and that you weren't a kicker. That kicking thing freaks me the fuck out.
So there are a few things I would like to talk to you about. I suppose, I would like to apologise for the shitty genes. Sorry for the possible anemia, bad eyesight and ginger hair. I hope you have fun being freckly and unable to tan like me. You might avoid the ginger gene altogether. Not that it would make any difference to me but, I've heard the stories. Unfortunately, if your dad is ginger you'll probably be stuck with it. I'll try avoid that, for you I guess. Also, I'll try avoid men with glasses, just in case. I'm not making any promises, we're talking about 2 of my major weaknesses here.
I'll try and be a good mom. I'm not very good at cooking or homework but, I'll try. I hope your favorite food is toast. I don't want to be one of those mothers that is constantly on your back. Of course, I'll encourage you to do well as best as I can but, I don't want you to be too sheltered. I think an important part of growing up is learning from your mistakes. What good will it be for you if I wrap you in bubble wrap for 18 years and then expect you to make important life decisions? If you don't want to go to college or university, fine. I won't force you.
The only thing I can promise you, is that I'll do my best to always stick by you. I want you to have the understanding and open-mindedness, that I didn't really have from my parents. If you decide you want to do drag, fine. If you're gay or lesbian, even better. But, I will warn you of this, and I will warn you only once. If I even hear of you bullying someone, THEN we will have a problem. I hope that you get to grow up in a generation where it's ok to be yourself and not be judged by the boring "normals".
I'll try and look forward to you and the mess you are going to make of my house.
So, goodbye for now my future son, (Elliot, Alistair or Ryan), or my future daughter, (Juliet, Hannah or Zoe).
Lot's of love,