Saturday, 4 October 2014

A New Life? (Warning:Touchy Subject)

This is hard to write because, it's something I avoid talking about if I can. This is also something I'd like to share with the people who've been supporting me for the past month or more, so this post will only be shared on Twitter because that is where the sweetest people are.

A while back, I started talking to someone who messaged me to say they enjoyed reading my stuff (I don't want to mention names, it wouldn't be fair (also I have permission to use this"story")). After a while we started chatting about other things and this person revealed that they had previously suffered from depression. When they had finished telling me their "story", they asked me about mine. Only one person, out of everyone I know, has let me openly and freely tell them my "story", so I didn't know how to react at first. Eventually, I let my guard down and told them everything. Afterwards, they simply asked me, "are you ok now?" and I said "no".

After struggling on and off with depression for 5 years, it's extremely hard for me to make, what I call a choice. I'm choosing to force myself out of this. Some people say its "brave", others say "it can't be done". I've realised what a pain in the ass I've been for my family and friends, the past 5 years, and it isn't right or fair. I want to be around to see my friends become, doctors, game developers, YouTube superstars, whatever they want. I want to be a decent role model for my nephew. I want to start putting more effort into this and make something special for you guys because, you're all so lovely to me. I want to see where I end up. And I'm going to do it by whatever means possible. I'm going to stop lying to myself and everyone else and saying things are ok when it's not. I think I can do it.

I appreciate all the love and support that I get, even though it's only from a few. I think it's better that way. Also, I'd like to ask you to not send me any soppy messages after reading this. This isn't me trying to be "brave", it's just easier to tell everyone, who cares, at once, rather than having to repeat myself over and over to everyone individually.

I suppose you could say, I'm trying to find a new path in life? Hopefully, a brighter one.

Yours always,

~Zoe

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