Wednesday, 31 December 2014


Hi, welcome back. Did you expect to hear from me again? I didn't. I want to talk to you guys about something. Over the past couple of months, I've said to a lot of people that, instead of writing here on blogger, I was going to take to YouTube and basically vlog everything I was going to write about here. I case you haven't noticed, that didn't happen.

YouTube and I have love/hate relationship. I love it because, it's an incredible medium and way of interacting with people, and for most cases, an enjoyable thing to do. I hate because, I simply can't do it. Videos and sketches I've promised people, such as haul videos, "Killer Walrus" and "How Not to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse", were in the making. I promise. Whether it was a script, downloading certain editing programmes or gathering props, it was done. The only thing I couldn't do was actually film it.

I'm going to come clean with you guys. I'm so jealous of people who take things like taking to a camera or simply walking into a room full of people, without freaking out about it. I know I've talked about my anxiety before but just to put it into perspective for people who don't suffer from it; I can't go to a meet up with my own friends without panicking about it. Every time there's been an event where I have to be around people, I will start feeling anxious about it from the moment it's planned, until it actually happens. However, since I'm pretty good at hiding my emotions people never notice how anxious I am. I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing.

What I'm trying to say is, I have to take these things slowly and they may or may not get done. I don't even know how or when I'll record things, if ever. I feel bad about leaving people hanging so, my latest project "My Christmas Haul", unfortunately won't be a thing. I actually tried doing it before I started writing this (and honestly it was the inspiration for this) but, I basically just sat in front of a camera that wasn't even turned on for about 20 minutes, filmed 18 seconds, then broke down and cried. Pretty much what happens with every video I've tried to make since the make-up ones.

So, I'm sorry for continuously letting everyone down but, to be honest, if I could make videos with confidence there would be at least 10 videos on my channel by now, if not more.

I hope you all had a lovely Christmas.

-Steph x

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